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Growth

you never know what a person is feeling

how many of you feel as though life has been revolted? the hard work, the new way of living and especially the struggle has totally taken over. for one moment i wish i could go back and make changes, i am sure most of us think of that every now and then. i am sure even our leaders are thinking this same shit.

the problem is we know we can’t change the past and we certain have no idea what our future is heading. as we face this challenging time, i see more people online with different opinions of what is really going on and what has evolved. the not knowing how to fix this and when it will all come to halt is more or less the issue of the day.

as i share my personal experiences here on a daily basis, fixing what can be fixed and using my creativity as an outlet, i want to tell you about what happened yesterday.

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you know even as you grow older, life shows you things never thought possible or how one action can really affect your well being for an entire day.

now what i am about to tell you may sound really silly to you but to me this was very devastating and this is what i teach. unconditional living is a very good way to encourage healthy living for your mind but it also has to be worked at every day of your life just like eating properly.

here is my story …

for two days now my computer was making a popping sound and i feared the worse. this is my life line, i mean it is something i value more in my life, my electronics have been my constant companion for years but my computer is the one i do all my writing on and my work. the frustrating thing was finding a solution because none of the stores are open. i certainly can’t afford a new computer as work has left me high and dry for over a 2 years and without this tool, i can’t even get a new job online.

so you are wondering where i am writing this post from, if you seen my set up you would laugh but i made it work until i get my pc back.

i finally got a hold of a company that could take a look at my computer and tragedy is that when approaching the building, i felt as though i was infected with a plague myself. as i am always social distancing since my crash of 2018, let’s say for a moment, i only go out once a week if that but yesterday really opened my eyes to what has been happening in the local shops.

back to my story…

as i approached the store, the littleman at the door and i call him that because he was about 20 and for a moment i was jealous because he had a job and i don’t then he asked me questions. so once we determined my issue, he let me in the door. the door, not the store itself but more or less the hallway. he also indicated that i needed to stand in the square box. my heart was pounding the whole time and i could feel all the anxiety rising. after taking my info and i allowed him to take my computer, there was another man there and he was just as frustrated as i was. all he wanted was a charger and i could feel his anxiety. we exchanged a few words and i knew right then and there, people are really losing their minds over all this builshit.

back to my story …

as i said this computer is my life line in some sense and as i walked away, get into my vehicle i could feel the tears coming. it was a sad day, as though i had lost a child. seriously, my heart was aching so much that i had to leave it in the hands of strangers, not knowing if it will come out of this horrible breakdown.

when i arrived at home by boyfriend couldn’t believe how upset i was but soon realized how important this was to me.

the moral of this story is that you never know what a person is feeling or what they have been through. as we are definitely experiencing all kinds of emotion these days, the sanity needs to keep in check. as i said earlier, i dug out an old laptop that is slow as molasses, formatted it and hooked it up to a large monitor. this is where i am right now.

i connected my ipad to my external speakers so i could listen to music and voila!

today, i hope this guy calls me and tells me that to fix my computer will not be a fortune because i really don’t have the money. my message today is an important one and i hope you can relate with your own personal experiences.

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