I am a realistic person, I do not sugar coat life and I certainly don’t tell stories of fairy tales. I have been on this mission for 2 years now and I have to say, it has been a relief.
But wait a minute
There is a downside; you have to be able to accept all lifestyles unconditionally. You have to be very neutral to all ways of life and especially accepting everyone for who they are and what they believe in.
The problem that lies with this is most people are not open to this kind of lifestyle and it kinda puts a wrench in your way of thinking. It can make you feel incapable, unreliable and certainly insane. On a personal note, I have been very frustrated with my own life and it has been hard to keep any kind of happy thought only because of regret.
I am for the most part o.k. but on the odd occasion memories of lifestyle choices appear in my brain, I get really upset at myself. Mistakes are to learn the lessons; you can undo the past and you certainly can’t look forward only because you do not know the outcome.
So, we must be present.
Today is one of those days. I can’t deal with my own imperfections of mistakes, decisions I have made and the fact that my life has changed so much in 2 years.
I have spoken of rock bottom before and how to get the hell out of that rabbit hole. There is the idea of climbing out but what happens when people no longer want to take a chance on your ability to do well. What happens when what you thought you knew no longer is apparent to others.
It is simple. You must find a way to let go of the frustration, the regret and move on. I used to think that being in the moment was a plus side of life but today, I no longer feel that moment because it hurts so much. What I knew and believed was my calling or destiny has vanished and I can no longer go back to the life I had. The bigger problem is that it affects my lifestyle.
Confidence, endurance, perception and mostly disappointment. The words that are imbedded in my brain.