i waited a few days before posting this bullshit only because i have been busy setting other things up and realized, why? isn’t sad how we put off our own needs for others. so, here it is …
yesterday, i met someone who made me go back in the past again and for the life of me, i can’t shake this feeling of regret and sorrow. something happened last friday that really put me into a low mood again and you have to hear this.
i was working for a company whom, i thought was a good job and now realizing that it isn’t, i am left without work. reminds me of how many times i can do this without totally fucking cracking up. so after working for three weeks at this job, i was expecting my pay. of course, that never came, not in the bank no emails nothing.
i began losing my shit all to find out because i trusted someone in HR to do a job, which by the way they did not now i am again without. so come to find out, this company sent me a check, which we all know at the moment, the mail service sucks. meaningwhile, i have to wait for the post to go stand in line and hope the bank doesn’t hold this cheque for another 10 business days because they don’t know this company i was working for.
when i tell you that the negative aura that surrounds my life is very real, believe me. i am sick of being jerked around by companies and reminded that what once was, was a mistake on my part.
coming back the that person i met yesterday that reminded me yet again how crazy i was to leave a full time time job way back when. i keep wondering why people insist on hurting me and making me feel so useless when all i did was push and push myself to end up with nothing.
today, i am at a stand still.
personally speaking, i feel very lost needless to say there doesn’t seem to be a light at the end of the tunnel and i fear my brain is on total negative slope.
that’s my story and i am stick it to whomever is reading.
note: to those who think it is in their best interest to make me feel small and insignificant, well at least i tried and there is no more to say about that, is there. you are but a fragment of dust and have no compassion for people. what you did to me personally was make me feel as low as possible and now, i am without yet again only because i felt it was right at the time.