i have been thinking about the idea of what makes people ‘tick’ and we all move around like we know exactly our purpose or way of living is acceptable but in reality we are conditioned to do what is expected and never even give it a second thought.
i believe most people are emotionally unstable because they are hiding their true identity. living in a shadow of someone or something they believe to be proper or honest.
when the criminals come out of their box, we judge them because they fail to be the normal people.
but are they
minds are a complex entity. i don’t care if you have a degree or text book notes, no one else can tell you how you feel and why you are feeling it. you and you alone must decide what works; you do not owe anyone an explanation for your actions or why you choose to be who you are in your moment.
this week, i am stepping out of my box after having another meltdown only a few days ago. i realize my instability is lack of necessities and work but for some reason, this personality of living someone else’s expectations is beginning to really affect my well-being.
i feel trapped all the time like as if i am in the wrong story and can’t free myself from this uncomfortable lifestyle.
i have no idea if mental illness is defined by what is text book or simply different for everyone. i imagine it is another complex situation and everyone suffers in their own way.
self healing is hard because you know people are judging and unforgiving to your mixed emotions. feeling as if you are alone in all your chaos, can be scary but in my case necessary. when i step outside in the world, i put on this face of content and utter happiness but the reality it is all fake.
in the end what do really prove when we do this?
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