ever get the feeling that your life is all about keeping others happy? what
when life hits you hard, I mean really in the depth of desperation, you tend to wonder where the hell is this going and how the hell am I going to get back up to where I should be. my personal life has been one tragic event after another, never fitting in, never understanding the meaning behind why this or that is happening and the worse part is I always feel as though all my efforts are a waste of time.
yesterday, trying to get some relax time in my pool, trouble was amongst the neighbors and I wondered what was the purpose. people need to learn to mind their own business and concern themselves with only what is right in front of them. some people make a point of disturbing the peace and for what it is worth, it really upset me because I was having a nice relaxing nap and then poof!
why am I here, what is my purpose that I cannot find peace of mind and feel content with my life? big question. I feel as though there is something wrong all the time and the minute I try to do something good or inspiring for myself, it gets all fucked up.
I am also very tired lately, not only because work has finally made it to my body, but because I don’t sleep well. the brain is the mighty sword that connects us and if the mind can’t settle down, you aren’t going to be relaxed. your body tells you when something isn’t right and I can tell you my body is certainly giving me all the signals.
this morning, I am numb. I am just going with the flow and
I really wish I could just write all day and live the life I want.