what if you want a different life

change is good but what if you can’t or you are stuck. where do we find our peace and dream. whether it is a career, relationship friendships or even self, these fantasies can take forever or not at all and it is without sounding negative but i think we must recognize the ship has sailed.

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i grew up not feeling as though i meant something, never encouraged to follow my dreams but rather a composition of you must do this. i say this because i am sure as experience would have it, our children of today live a very different life. most parents would agree children do not come with a rule book but rather a map.

at age 55 i realize my experiences have been less than successful and more disappointing.

i took a turn and went backwards instead of moving forward. i used to live in the moment but then the moments were bleak and boring. now with all the efforts i have put into making my life the life i want, failure has taken the first word.

today i exist. no dreams, no passion, no drive.

i do what is necessary and that is all. i certainly do not come off as the best example of human conditioning but i can say that my purpose has been a dark hole of disaster. i give my opinion on what matters and leave the rest.

i have seen and heard people say more negative things about me than i can even write and i no longer feel as though i need to impress anyone.

but where does that leave my life.


although i have the things i have and a relationship, the void is still unresolved. what i thought i wanted no longer fulfills me and it is sad. i truly believe this stems from money or lack of and i want to share with the readers that if you took a moment to realize how money can affect our well being you would see how right i am.


i am not greedy but merely would like enough to live the life i want and need. my next adventure is not an adventure but a truth and reality i must face. anxiety will be my first name and it is without a doubt that i will have to be someone else in order to survive financially.

not happy.


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