I have been the demon of my own conditioning and for better or worse, that is how it all starts. You question everything you do, and every plan you make and you can’t find the brightness in anything. The bigger picture is my ability with words has led me to this point. I need a fresh start, a fresh idea. My creations have become stale and who the hell wants anything stale?
As I plug at my understanding of what makes me a better person, I am reminded of change because how interesting that subject weighs heavy on my mind. A friend said to me the other day, I have stopped writing as much as she was right. The one thing that I have been doing for years now is dishing out my feelings on this blog and for some reason, these past few months have been blank.
I truly believe it is a block of some sort or maybe I just didn’t want to face the demons lurking inside. I have all the human emotions possibly bursting to be freed and I am mostly afraid of what I will find or rather admit.
Something isn’t right in the world today, chaos is still amongst us, people’s characters have changed and life is really a mess. We think we know what direction we want and then bam! Shit hits the fan then we are left with rethinking our ability to render that big plan. If we keep changing, I worry about what the world will look like in another 5 or 10 years. I do realize we have to evolve but I seriously feel something is bigger at work here and I fear if we keep struggling with this constant change, people will become unmanageable.
We need some kind of positive vibe, let’s call it that, to bring us back to a simpler time or even more content. I know what I want in my life; I want to be able to find some center where I can at least stand in where I am not always worried about the next day and the next. Nothing makes me happy and that in itself is very hard. I pretend to be something I am not and with all these mixed emotions, I can’t truly be myself.
What changes have you seen in yourself and what do you think can be done to change them, negative or positive?
yours truly, the Writer