the decisions are harder than you think. living the life you want and actually living.
i wake up every morning with the same thoughts: everything ends.
we all know there isn’t enough to really pursue any ambitions, we work to pay bills, to survive and in the end there is nothing more. we can’t fulfill our dreams, we can’t do the things we really want to do and it just seems like a constant struggle.
don’t even get me started on happiness and people.
i always worked for what i wanted and for the most part never had to ask for hand outs except when buying this sad looking house i live in or when i struggled financially last year because i couldn’t get hired anywhere. working for something, like travelling was a great goal. i had a couple of weeks a year to look forward too when i knew i could jump on a plane and head to the dreamy part of my life. when i think about it, i go there and they want to come here, funny how people are, never happy in their environment.
my point now is that i have nothing to look forward too. i exist only to what?
no purpose, no abnormal responsibility, no passion and especially no people to worry about in the general sense. all that was isn’t and i can’t find another direction.
there are people who steal from others, there are people who suffer because of poverty, there are those who can’t find the strength to dig themselves out of misery and the ones who do, find themselves going around in circles.
especially now with the chaos of the world, i hear about people who live in depression, who strive to survive, who struggle with their own minds and we all feel very alone.
oh you can escape for a few hours, watching a good movie, or pretend to be someone or something else you are not but reality shows us, this is it.
remember the old saying: “life is what you make it?” i wonder how many can actually say that now. restrictions, fine lines and blockades make it so we can’t be who we want anymore and i am afraid the world will not survive this crushing outrage of emotions.