the day you realized you fucked up your life.

i woke up with this really bad feeling. maybe it was because of deep sleep mode or maybe i just get these feelings every time something isn’t going the way i want. regardless of what it is, i am sure i am right about this.

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success has been so hard for me to hold on too, i guess you could say, once i have it, and something goes terribly wrong, i give up or maybe the struggle is to much to bare. i am a firm believer that humans should have to suffer these days because we have all of kinds of resources to fall into but then again, how many of those are legit?

people who know me, in the real world, know i have not been happy for a very long time and as i look back deep into my past, i don’t think i have ever been happy.

the idea of being happy, successful, in a good place was always 3 feet out of my reach and i think it’s time i say out loud how unfair this all is. why some have all they want and others seem to struggle all the time.

they say if you think and feel positive, it will come back but i don’t believe that because i have tested that theory over and over. law of attraction doesn’t work.

where am i going with all this?

dreams.

i slept in this morning and for lack of sleep these days, i was surprised i actually woke up to the alarm.

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deep sleep is bad for me because i am always dreaming of things i would rather leave in the past but of course because my brain is always on overload, it never lets me sleep.

so what do i do with all this negative energy? not sure. if i had the answer to that, i wouldn’t be here writing about it.

ok. on to the next big thing. the blog.

if a blogger isn’t out to make money but just trying to get followers, what the hell is the big ticket? how does this happen? even after trying really hard to find that medium, i am so unsuccessful in this business. so there you have it.

loser in life, loser online and especially loser all the way around.

thanks to whom ever reads this. it is appreciated for sure as we all have lives and for you to take 2 to 3 minutes to read my banter about life is to say the least an honor.

as always, be unconditional.

the Writer

PS – this blogging doesn’t really help either, i feel most frustrated after i have written but it is after all my only outlet.

 

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