the idea that people live their lives according to what is best is a total cover for what is really going on. when people suffer, they hide behind the truth and it is a sad story to believe that we cover up what is really going.
let’s take death. the pain and suffering someone feels can go deeper than imaginable. a person grieves in their own way but for some, grief is a mild feeling compared to what is really going on. most people won’t admit when they are faced with a mental issue and me, well, i have no shame on any subject but lately it has been about more than that.
i started watching a show last night that really lite some lights, an understanding of truth. so many people have let me down in life that it has become apparent that in the end, i have only suffered because i have let myself down. i have let myself become a person i no longer understand and want to face.
in the show, the guy talks about suicide, and i have always thought that suicide is a cop out for the reality of life. people think that when you hit rock bottom, this is the only way out. some, having means to do so, will check out by disappearing. i have always been a heads on person but more and more, i can’t fight the fight i want. the outcome is a scenario i would rather not face and truth lies only on these pages.
the fact is i hate everything about my life and i can’t seem to change it. nothing is possible and no matter how hard i have tried, failure comes right behind me.
oh, i keep the face going but it is becoming very difficult to see the reality and hide behind my stresses. example: yesterday i played hooky from work to prove a point i might add and the truth is no one even bothered to communicate with me to see if i was ok.
companies really make people feel like a number don’t they.
that’s another story but today the focus is on how do people get happy. how can someone find that right moment, that one true thing that will bring them back from the rabbit hole?
i guess in 2021 there isn’t much to be proud of or hopeful for and i applaud those who seem to think the world is going to get better. all i can say for myself is that all this time, all this knowledge and structure i have given myself wasn’t really a means to an end but a reality that holds no light.