When we think about love, experiences, and a lifetime of destruction and pain, we believe that maybe, just maybe, we have been blessed with a curse. I always thought I was and even though we are supposed to believe that all happens for a reason, I think back on my last adventure, aka vacation, which seemed the perfect time to release negative energies that have been haunting me, I realized, you can’t escape from that.
People are strange, interesting, and complicated and have always baffled me. The reasons to constantly blend their negativity and can’t see any brightness and the beauty all around them. For that week, I took every moment I had to appreciate the beauty around me because I knew coming back home would mean the same shit a different day. We all know if I had it my way, I would have stayed in the tropics because I have always felt my place is there.
Alas, here I am back to the same old, doing what I do and pretending that all is good when I am literally screaming inside hoping my day will come when I can travel to the far lands again of the sea and sand.
The struggle I feel is obvious but why is the question? I can’t imagine or even understand why I have been put here in this moment and time when I could be a happier person where I belong. Another thing I realized on my vacation is something I have long waited to do and that was to release some other haunting feelings of past relationships. There is a man whom I thought was willing to admit that he had been wrong in all that he has put me through. At the end of it all, I finally see the tragedy he still brings to the table, unappreciative of my unconditional love and he only finds selfishness in his words.
Needless to say, it is the first time in my life I blocked him and proud of it. He does not deserve my love and can sulk over his own selfish ambitions. I don’t need it. Regret is powerful and if you are strong enough to release that negativity, then give yourself a pat on the back.
At the beginning of 2023, I had promised I would write more but my words fail me and maybe with time, I can find more expressive words to share. It has been a tough one for me with losing my son, dealing with financial strain and most of all still living in an unhappy place. I appreciate all that is given to me and hope in the next few months, I can continue to find ways to make myself happier.
On another note, creativity is still a common goal, hope you can check out my shop and see my new collections.