I had dreams, once and now it is as though life has given me nothing in return for all my efforts. They say luck is a blessing and if you want something, you need to work hard for it. Well, I have done both and the sad part is that, around the corner is just another scene from my life that I do not want to turn.
I know it sounds terrible but the reality is better because then you can face all that is in front of you. Pretending that all is OK isn’t healthy. There is always someone, somewhere trying to trash your life. I truly believe the worse part is the people closest to you are the ones creating this negativity and you can run away from it.
I started work yesterday with a person higher than me from another department trashing me on email and messages. A coworker wanted to deal with it because as she said: ” We need to be respected”. What she doesn’t realize is that I have been trashed so many times, that it comes as no surprise, I did not react to this slander.
My supervisor had other plans.
Even last night, my boyfriend said something that just kept me up most of the night. He too is negative in a way that makes me wonder all the time why I stay here. I guess other than commitment, it is about my son. We have an apartment in our house and my son rents it, well he lives there ( ha ha ha ) getting help from mom isn’t a surprise there. I love my son he is ambitious and strong but he would not survive if I wasn’t here to bail him out most of the time, not only in money but to keep him motivated.
Long story short, today is today and I am with fake ideas, fake people, and certainly fake logic. All I know for sure is that each day is a new day, the past is in the past and I have to just live to pay the bills and the odd time something is truly funny, well I will laugh on the inside because people have no idea what comes next.