Do you ever wonder why people are the way they are? It is a known fact that society moulds people, not parents. We live the way we do because the world clusters what we really need and deserve and no matter where you turn, no matter how positive you try to be, there is always some shit that appears to just ruin everything.
The struggle is a big part of life and I am not a stranger to this but I can tell you, I am not alone. The difference is I am able to share it. The hard part of trying to be better is that people have a way of bringing you down, making you feel so bad about yourself that you can’t see past the fog.
I am truly miserable and I know it and there isn’t a fucking thing I can do to bring myself out of this shit hole life. I lost it a little last night admitting that I have no authority over anything, I have no control over my life and the worse part is I feel as though I am unworthy of good things. I try to make beautiful things, yet it does not fulfill my self-worth.
I see people every day flourishing in their lives and feel so desperately envious and jealous, I want to smack them in the face. Seriously!
As I sit here and finally write, listening to some sappy 80’s music, I think where did life go? What happened to go forward and not backward that is exactly where my life has taken me.
On a professional level, my job even sucks. I do this job because I need to pay the bills and I am nothing, not living up to my full potential it has been made apparent yesterday, I will not grow in this company. This is very sad to think that you work daily to impress and yet no one wants you to move forward, so you can see why I struggle with my own self-esteem. Nothing is worthy of my efforts.
So now that I have depressed most of you with my words of honesty about my life, I hope to share more writing soon. I have been so busy creating and setting up my shop of “Notebooks and Journals” I have forgotten why I started this in the first place.