The mind can play tricks on us especially if we do not know how to compartmentalize. So I ask the question this fine Sunday:
Are Blow Jobs Easier?
Last night I had a very awakening dream, words like crazy, useless, forgotten, outcast and broken were included in this nightmare but not far from the truth of my life experiences.
Some people don’t know that I have been let down, shot down and thrown down and I can say with certainty that is very sad that these words showed up in my dreams last night. The truth is I believe it is a deep connection with my real life, people who have embedded these words and shown me that you only have one person to trust and depend on:
Let’s break down a few things I have learned.
something I have had and thought I wanted or needed to make me a better person.
the idea of having something of my own that no one could take away.
well, I didn’t plan that one but I expected supportive parents and did not get them.
again the trust thing. people have burnt me so badly that I no longer feel close to anyone.
dabble in this and that, the reality is the men in my life have been less than great and have always been missing some key elements.
let’s face it if you don’t have any you can’t do much. the world revolves around money and power, neither of which has brought me any prosperity.
I am feeling quite emotional and let down this morning thinking why do I even bother? I guess it is because I must be here. There is no purpose and no way in hell I am ever gonna get the things I truly want. Even my boyfriend, whom I respect dearly has really let me down. Would I ever tell him that? Not only because there is no point.
Someone once said, “I feel this way because I don’t believe I deserve a good life”. Well, Mr. & Mrs. Fancy Pants, I do deserve it but it is not in the cards for me. So good luck with your bullshit and move as they say.
So that was a mouthful.
So how do you like the new look? There is a reason for that too but you already knew that right?