There is a moment when after grief, you stop and realize how desperately you need to get away from the chaos. Taking time for one’s own personal mental health isn’t easy when you do not have the funds to go somewhere and I can say, I am certainly ready. Every day there is shit and more shit, I feel trapped and can’t get free. Miracles are a figment of people’s imagination and well, what is a girl to do?
I am not high maintenance or do expect anything but when I need something, it is a real emotion that has been filled up. It has been 3 weeks now since learning of the death of my son, work is chaotic and I am just at a point where I am numb but desire my sun, the sand and the ocean.
My hope is that maybe the government will be nice to me again this year and give me a big return and then I can fly off but I am not hopeful really, just expressing that out loud. While my parents are on a cruise travelling around some hot destination, I envy them so much, it hurts inside. I want to go and just get my brain back in focus. It is spinning a mile a minute and I feel as though I have not grieved at all. I work so much to distract myself that I am not really processing the emotions and feelings that I go through.
Or so I think.
All that to say, I am trying new ideas in my shop, still thinking that someday someone will like my products and give me more inspiration. Thank you for reading and letting me vent.