if i was to speak to god.

there is a fine line between believing in something and totally objecting to it. i am not a believer in any religion but i mostly believe in what is real. i am in a transition in my life and i keep asking myself, ‘why’?

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why is life so hard, why is the world so chaotic and mostly, why can’t i find my purpose. i have tried many careers in my life and i have never been fulfilled. i guess the wounds of the past are still fresh and as i venture on to new things or search for my purpose, i am frustrated that most companies have good and bad but mostly not a good understanding of what people need.

i am searching for reasoning and peace but in my search or journey, i find i am more mis-directed more than ever. eh. i am smart, i have many talents but for some reason there is no place for me. i want to be totally satisfied in my day to day life and as i ponder this ultimate journey, i am left empty.

we cannot define our purpose if all is unsettled. what we love to do isn’t always what is at face value. as i started a training, i realized that if i was to point out everything i like and don’t like, there is more don’t likes and that bothers me. i know my limitations, i know myself well enough to know my strengths and what i will tolerate or expect of myself on a daily basis. this is so important

maybe it is time to make another list.

sometimes we need to check in with ourselves and hopefully we will find the answers but i honestly think, in this moment, there are no dreams to be had or hopes for a better future. as negative as i sound, most people do not want to face reality and i am grateful i can see life for what it really is in 2021.


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