human contact

relationships are hard enough but when you finally realize that the one you are in is no longer fulfilling that needed tenderness, then what?

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i have known for a long time that affection comes in many forms but for someone like me, and i am sure for most, physical contact is so important. the problem is people are lacking it these days with this damn pandemic and it is making us all crazy.

personally, i had a dream last night that made me realize how lonely i am. i have been for years and nothing has been filling the void. as i look at all my relationships, identifying what went wrong, they all have one thing in common: rejection.

men have taken me, dated me, amused themselves for their own purpose and some just to have the idea of having someone there. the fact remains, physical attention is needed in any relationship and i don’t mean always banging each other but the hugs and love.

in friendships, people care; i have seen it. i used to get more attention from strangers in my past work environment than i have ever in my relationships. sad but true and it also makes me wonder why people cheat because the essence of cheating is a lack of. right?

so when something is missing in the present relationship, filling the void doesn’t help. it only covers the truth and that my friends is the worse kind of mental health because you are avoiding the issue.

call it responsibility, i stay in mine because of one thing: committment but in the end what the hell is it doing for me? nothing.

the old saying goes ‘you made your bed, lie in it’ but my whole life has been about being in the wrong relationships and definitely for the wrong reasoning. i say because i know, i wrote the book on it. talk about a reality check this morning but i can tell you at least i know exactly what my problem is and that is better than most people i know.


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