I can tell you, life is hard and that is probably what you will hear from people who suffer with mental health. the hard part is admitting this not only to yourself but to others. I have hidden away from this issue long enough, and it is time to deal with the situation. That is the big question:
“how do we survive mental health?”
When tragedy happens, our brain falls into an abyss of darkness, nothing is clear and there is no light. What I find difficult to understand is the bigger question people ask when you are depressed:
“are you having suicidal thoughts?”
Why do people ask that question, I mean if you want to die, you would just do it and not make a statement about it. Let’s be more honest for a moment. Yesterday, I was asked that question and it made me think. The idea of feeling that low, as they say isn’t logical. If you think about all the people around you and what their thoughts are or what would be if this was the issue, they would just put in a room or facility and lock you up.
Are you any better ahead for saying that out loud? I think not.
Let me reassure you, I would never say those words because it is pointless. What people need to do to try and get over the big hump of depression and mental health issues is to find the understanding and the reason why we have gotten to this point. The doors need to be opened, I mean open wide and be upfront with their feelings. We all respect our superiors but when it comes down to it, when this starts to affect all aspects of your life, include your job, you must stop and face the reality.
we can’t hide behind the computer screen and think it is all gonna get fixed by pretending everything is fine. We have to trust that the people on the other side of that screen will approach your individual situation with compassion, professionalism and understanding. Employers have an obligation to help and this is why they invented programs.
I kind of laugh at that because when you truly need the help, there is a wait list. what the hell is that all about. It only made me realize that I am not alone in all this mental health issue and I am going to seek the help I need to better myself, as I told my boss yesterday.
The issue with my work is not that I don’t like it but I don’t like the people around me. Well, let’s just say certain ones. the issue isn’t going away and I have to find a way to keep my position without suffering but yesterday was a big, big blow out and the good news is as smart as I am, being in this position before I know the steps to take.
I have tried to change departments to avoid the issues but that isn’t happening and why should I. I love the work I do and it isn’t fair that people, certain people can’t get along. Sometimes character differences make it difficult and we can’t fix it. Therefore we have to find a way to make ourselves better and more comfortable without pointing fingers.
As my thoughts grow negative again and I am faced with my own reality, the next step for me is taking the time off I need to reflect on what needs to be done. however, this comes with sacrifice.
I am afraid I will lose my integrity and position if a I take a leave of absence. I am really scared of that but I have already been proactive in my steps and spoken to HR about my issues.
My last thoughts on this matter is that I keep feeling like it is all my fault but I know deep down that certain events throughout the year have caused me such pain. Losing a son, losing coworkers and especially changing supervisors has really put a black cloud over my head.
The fact remains is that I can’t change that, especially the supervisor part. I think if she would leave or not be in that position, I might be able to get back to the positive person I used to be and make a go of this wonderful job I love so much. But I know, this will not happen and I will have to make the decision to either request a change in departments or leave.
It is a very sad story this morning but this is my life.