let’s talk about strength. i don’t know about you, but when shit happens, some of us lose that strength we once had or we thought we had and this can make a big impact on your lifestyle. i use to believe, strength was built on people. the more people encouraged me to do things or believed in my ambitions, i was stronger.
the reality is, i really wasn’t.
i strived all my life, even in childhood to be better however because i did things differently than others, had many opinions about certain ideas, i was constantly judged. i was told that i don’t act a certain way or behave properly which lead to continue sheltering myself.
people would say to me as an adult that i was smart but the reality is i just learned. i taught myself many things over the years in order to satisfy the needs of others and pretend to be something i am not. deep down, there is no smart, there is just text book.
i did what had to be done and that was it.
it is no surprise today that i am not fully satisfied with my lifestyle, needing something so much has really turned into a settlement of lifestyle. this is very sad because when we are not fully happy with our own self, we either break down or burst.
the other thing that can happen is totally chaos.
in the present moment
as i venture into a different lifestyle, i am still asking the questions that should have been put to rest. the trigger of places, words, social media have lead me to believe how weak i really am in my adult life and how the reminder is that how important is it.
well guess what? it is.
in the back of my mind i still want certain things, i feel i deserve a certain lifestyle and i certainly believe i am worthy. the reality is will it ever happen? even if i worked hard and pushed myself.