Doubting Your Self Devotion

Published Categorized as Words

Relationships are hard enough without throwing mud into the mix. It does not matter what type of relationship you are in or not, people have the ability to become a characteristic flaw whenever needed and if you suffer from unrealistic values, then you are doomed to self-loathing and sleep deprivation.

Yesterday, I faced a situation that altered the way people see me. I openly admitted that on the outside I am jolly, and fun, laugh pretty much at everything, and yet, on the inside, I am screaming and suffering. The truth is anyone who reads my blog knows I am the most unhappy person and can’t really snap out of this only because I am not where I want to be. As most people know as well, this is common.

When we lack things, we feel negative and unworthy of our own ability to be happy. It is without a doubt that I can’t feel happy for others’ success and admitting is one thing but feeling it is much more intense. I work very hard and truly get no happiness or good things in return. People say to me but you have a job, your health, ( bla bla bla ) those are things I work at keeping. The necessities in life don’t count people!

A long time ago I gave so much of myself thinking I would get it back and yet all it did was suck the life out of me. Now, there is no real reason for being this unhappy or unlucky, and well, sad to say but I am pissed off.

So be it.

On the flip side of things, I guess you could say that for what it is worth, there are things in my life that are good but only because I work for them and make them my sanctuary otherwise I would be lower than I am.

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