Aging with Doubt and Misunderstanding

Living in midlife and wondering if it really all matters.

Let’s take a look at age, I will be 55 again ( that’s my story and I am sticking with it ) on Saturday and I have never really given it any thought, although the idea that 55 is a good age has apparently resonated with me because the golden years are just around the corner.

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It is really about what I have done with that number and I can say without a doubt, not much.

Why do look back and feel as though our lives mean nothing? Why is it that we feel we could have done so much more and didn’t? So, the next question is what is the purpose?

I am explaining this because I am at a stand still and soaking in the tub yesterday I was thinking how low my moral has become and there was only one other time I can remember being this bad. It is very sad and some of you might be thinking, get help! On the contrary, I am very aware of what is going on and the help out there is worse than the mental instability I am feeling.

People or professionals don’t really want to help, they are paid to tell you what needs to be done, when in fact I know text book bullshit doesn’t work.

No let’s be honest, I know exactly what is going to get me out of this deep dark hole and it isn’t going to happen. So, getting someone to listen to me suggesting things isn’t going to make me better. In fact, it would probably make it worse because the frustration that comes back to bite me will certainly be the realization that failure follows and that we already know and live.

Aging isn’t the issue, it is the factor that makes us realize how desperate we are to grasp any good moments we may have had in our lifetime. It is a constant reminder of our goals and ambitions gone to shit without seeing light.

The only part I know for sure is that as long as I keep getting up, washing my face and brushing my teeth, I have a pulse. The rest is a game, never knowing what comes next or how to win at this shitty life.


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