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A Blanket of White

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How the season has changed and we will too ….

I noticed this morning, a large majority of the roofs were covered with frost and at last, I believe ‘winter is coming’. what you may have notice is a little color to the website as this is the time of year I get a little energetic about the holidays. the brightness of lights, the small gestures seem to make with a smile or a nod and we tend to want to give more. I will never fully understand the concept but it does seem a little different and for more of us either meaning is religious or not, I believe it about the giving and making wishes come true.

Being an only child, I have always been pretty spoiled and the holidays were no different with my birthday being so close to Christmas. Last year, I had a hard time because I could not put up my tree and I fear I won’t be able too again this year as my #kitty is still to active and learning the art of energy. So, to not worry that I will have to wake up every morning finding the tree on the floor and/or her hurting herself, I will give another year. of course the outside of my house will be decorated and some few things here and there on the inside.

in the now and reality

tomorrow i will sink to my lowest and get my first vaccine. there is no reasoning behind breaking free from this stupid virus or idea that if i leave it alone maybe i won’t be judged. i used to be such a strong person and i don’t know what happened. anyways all that to say, i will be writing out a sort of will today in case this vaccine kills me or makes me sick. morally responsible but that’s what i think it will do and if this is maybe my last time to express my feelings, then so be it.

I just figured out why they make you wait 3 weeks to get a second dose is because if something happens to you, then the liquid will not be wasted. go figure!

tensions are still high in this house, i feel no love and no ambition but i keep going. the struggle of not having work or a career is that you have to find things to do or at least motivate the idea of something. i spend most of my days watching reruns of shows on Netflix and coloring on my ipad.

“did I mention I hate this life”

they if you shell out positive energy you back 10 folds, well i can’t find any happy thoughts so how the hell can i find happy energy? it is without a doubt the lowest I think I have ever been in a long time and with that being said, I guess for now I just exist for the mere reason because I have a son and a #kittycat to love and worry about. you could say that is something.

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